‘Tis the season.
(Written December 29, 2011)
A few nights ago my husband Rob was watching the movie version of Chris Van Allsburg’s classic children’s book, The Polar Express (creepy animation, but I love the book). I caught the tail end when the boy holds up the bell and says, “I believe, I believe!” and then the bell rings. That sent a little bell jingling in my head with the idea for this final post of 2011.
I believe in signs.
Clear, unexpected signs that show up along a path, urging you on, when you’re full of fear and self-doubt but moving forward despite them.
I haven’t reported here yet, but the day after Thanksgiving my manuscript was rejected by an agent I had high (as it turns out false) hope for. One down and many more to go. Pity party only lasted two days. Learned a lot. Moving on.
2011 is the year that I finished my first novel. Proud of that. I’ve had more than a few signs this year on the journey. Gotten to the point where when one shows up I just shake my head, smile and say I’m not even surprised. However, depending on who’s in conversation, I might as well say I believe in Santa Claus.
A fellow writer sent an email urging me not to pay so much attention to such things as signs, but just buckle down and write the best book I can.
She doesn’t get it.
I love the signs. I’m grateful for the blessing. I was excited by them and shared some of these stories with a few friends, but then cut back on talking about them outside of my little family of three, because of people who don’t get it. But the jingle bell told me that’s their problem. So here I am, throwing this out for those who get it.
It’s clear to me now that the key to catching signs is forward motion despite fear. My sister Betty spoke of it often: “It’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey,” her graduate students quoted her to me. And that’s definitely what my mother Irene was talking about when she forbade us to say “I can’t”, replacing it with her mantra: “Can killed Can’t and they got in behind Couldn’t and haven’t seen him since.”
So in the spirit of the season, I’ll share three of my favorite signs ~
#1. February 22, 2011~ I had taken the writing as far as I could without traveling back to Albany to immerse us both—story and myself—in the sights, sounds, cadences of southwest Georgia. That morning I met an interested friend for coffee in San Rafael to discuss the book. Then I dropped by Fairfax library, the whole time struggling with the decision to start putting money where my idea was: plane ticket, car rental, hotel, etc. I walked out to my car, and in that very moment of wrestling with thoughts of flying home I saw that the license plate of the car parked next to mine included: AJR747 (my legal initials are AJR). Of course I had to share the story with the woman sitting in the car. She smiled and said, “Sounds like you need to get on a jet!” (Then she thanked me for pulling her out of her worriation over an upcoming anatomy test). Two months later I made the first of two 2011 research trips back to Albany.
#2. Oct. 14, 2011 ~ parking lot of Maples Pavilion at Stanford University in Palo Alto. Well, I’d driven all the way down there for an education Roundtable with Charlie Rose as moderator. I wondered why there was so much parking available. Well, it was because I was there on the wrong day, the thing was the next Saturday. Frustrated, I made the best of it, decided to do research in the Green Library. Got to the driver’s side door and spotted something on the asphalt in the empty space next to my car. “Is that a peach seed?” I asked out loud. Knelt down to examine and yes it was ~ a crushed peach seed! You already know what I said then: “I’m not even surprised.”
#3. At the suggestion of Aruna, a writing cohort, during this Christmas break I’ve been reading Richard Yates, starting with Revolutionary Road. Amazing work, written from the eye of the storm of detail and dialog. I’m learning a lot. I noticed that his birth and death years are exactly the same as my mother: 1926 ~ 1992, but this next sign really got me: Betty had a few terms of endearment—often called us “Cutie”—but her favorite was “Pookie Nose”. The third line in Yates’ novel The Easter Parade reads:
“Their mother, who encouraged both girls to call her “Pookie”, took them out to New York…”
OK. ‘Nuf said.
Here’s to a happy, productive 2012 for all of YOU… and …
THE POINT IS ~ hope you’ll always hear the jingle.
Dear Anita~ thanks for sharing the jingling with us! I, too, have had many of these moments this year, and am forever grateful that I’ve learned to stop and give gratitude for each one. Tends to make them appear more and more often!
Joy to you as you travel your path~
Susan
OMG! How blessed I am on this day to get your blog! I am soooo happy! I want to know more about the book! This is truly a blessing!
Thank you, Anita! I’m believing in the Jingle for the New Year!!!
Ah, Anita. Love the signs. Love the jingle. What a wonderful way to make sense of what has been and then usher in the New Year! We’re going to have some fun!
Hi Anita,
Oh I know about that jingle. In some circles we call it “auspicious coincidence”, where you are just paying attention to life and life talks back at you, sends a little message. And it seems like its not just about paying attention, but also being open to looking for, and communicating with, the intelligence of what naturally exists “out there.” (Or is it “in here”, or both?) Like the world is just waiting to communicate through signs, and waiting for us to remember how to tune in. A deep, ancestral remembering, I suspect…
When a sign like that appears, you feel like you are in the flow of life, rather than worrying yourself against it. I LOVE that feeling, although it doesn’t happen nearly enough for me.
I think so much of it has to do with setting an intention, and riding that forward in the midst of feat and self-doubt, like you said. Then encouragement comes along from the “universe”, if you will. “Continue to BE PRESENT,” it says, “and I’ll keep this portal of guidance open.” How mysterious and fun is that?!
Thanks for taking a chance with this entry, because it reminds me that the artist’s creative journey cannot happen without this. I’ve forgotten to stay open to this, so that I can look for the signs, hear the little jingles that help guide me to my next step. (Maybe I should start a blog!!)
Cheers, Kerry
Yea! Glad to see my instincts were right to share this story…so many of you DO get it! (-:
‘ Preciate all the comments. Feel free to share this link with friends, relatives and relative friends.
Anita, I”m “signing on” to your vision. A lovely piece and perfect for the season.
Joanna Biggar
My girlfriend…I, too believe! And thanks so much for explaining the belief…
Staying in your heart is a great way to keep that connection to signs and guidance open and flowing. As Journey sang, “Don’t stop…believing…”
Thank you…I won’t stop!
I love your mother’s Can killed can’t quote.
Hmmm…. I felt the fear and believed in the signs. The big fear was purchasing a house, a single family home, leaving our townhouse after 12 years. On 2/7/2007 the morning of my birthday, my real estate agents boldly announced that she would find a house for me on my birthday. In fact on that very day we found the house that I fell in love with. House number “7” on a quiet culdesac bulit in 1966, the same year that I was born! I sooooo believe in the signs 🙂
Wow. Those are some powerful signs and I’ve been to the house so I know first hand that it’s where you belong! Thanks for coming by, Lashalle and welcome to the blog.